Wondering in confusion......

Look up there. Yeah. I'm now wondering in confusion /.\

So this guy... He has been ignoring me lately. Not exactly "ignoring", but I always have to wait for HOURS (more than 24 hours sometimes) till I receive a reply from him. Reason? DotA. HAHAHAHA. DotA is more important than me. YAY I AM A LOSER :D

And now other guy has appeared. He seems to be so in love in me in ways sometimes even I don't understand @@ Though I never really believe in sweet words... Cuz no one is to trust :) Even so, his words always seem to make my eyes watery and I just sit there like a retard, crying and smiling all at the same time.

So I wonder, which guy should I pick? I'm not even sure if that first guy likes me back, but... Sigh. This is so complicated. I don't wanna hurt anyone :( But I can't deny that I do have a little feelings for the second guy. I'm still attracted to the first guy too, and I did promise that I would wait for him (though I'm not really sure what am I actually waiting for, cuz I have no idea if he likes me back). UGH DAMN IT.

I honestly thought that I wouldn't fall in love or even have feelings for anyone else, but I was wrong. I'm the faithful type, to be honest. It's his fault for ignoring me all the time, while someone else is crazily trying to get my attention. But I feel really bad for treating the second guy like... Well, a second guy.

Well, I guess I shouldn't rush :') I'm still young anyway, and someday "second guy" will probably realize that I'm not as good as he thinks I am. On the other hand, "first guy" always tells me that his true self isn't what he appears to be. "Outside I'm trying to warn you about my inner beast, inside is a whole different world I'm trying to suppress"... I still remember those words he told me, but still, I couldn't figure out what message he was actually trying to convey ._. That dude really loves speaking in riddles, but then again, that's what makes me attracted to him. Yeah I know I'm weird.

So... I guess that's all for today. So freaking tired and hungry right now @@

Gone.

Magically, beautifully, awkwardly

We met like that

Never thought you'd be gone that fast

Just in the blink of an eye

Little did I know

You would mean so much to me

Nor did I expect

That I would fall for you

Those times we stay up late

Merely for talking to each other

Those stupid jokes and silly stories

I was unknowingly attached and attracted

The way you make me smile

The way you make me blush

The way your voice remains in my head

The way your words captivate my heart

These things don't seem important

But these are the things

That make me love you

A little more than I should

Right now we're far apart

Hoping we'll remain close at heart

I'll always miss you

More than you miss me

If only I had hugged you

The last time before you left

I wouldn't be regretting now

But nothing can be changed

If only I hadn't been too shy

And grabbed the opportunity when I had it

Just like what you said

"It's worth a memory."

But then again

I keep wondering

Would I'd been able to let you go

If I really hugged you?

Would I'd been able to let you go

Without dropping a single tear?

I'm sorry dear

I'm not strong enough

There are times we have to let go

Of the people that we love

If fate allows

I'd be your best friend, your soulmate, your listener, your supporter forever

We're not lovers

But more than friends

This feeling is wonderful

But at times it hurts like hell

If I could go back in time

I'd make things right

Do all the things I should've done

And tell you everything I should've told you

Now you're gone

Insecurity is filling me

The fear of being replaced...

It could happen anytime

Cause somehow I guess

That my feelings for you

Are a little more deeper

Than your feelings for me

I wish I could keep my emotions controlled

That I won't fall deeper each day

Into this endless valley of love

Unless you would catch me, before I get hurt

Right now I wish you

Nothing but the best

Hoping you'll always remember me 

Just like how I'll remember you 

Thanks for being a part of my life 

Being there when I needed you 

I believe it would be hard 

To ever find someone just like you 

Life now

Whew, time flies at a tremendous speed. Things were way different last year, and I never thought I'd be what I am today... I feel like I've changed and grown a lot, but then again, maybe it's just me.

Never thought I'd meet a guy like him. I feel attached, attracted, nobody's ever made me feel the way that he does. He's got it all, he's nothing else but everything I've ever wanted. I've never felt so connected to anyone before, it's like... We belong together. He's my motivator, my supporter, my advisor, my... I don't know what else xD

Thanks to my sharp tongue, literally no one could defeat me when I get into an argument of some sort :3 I guess he's pretty much the only one? Never thought there'd be such a guy. He just attracts me in a way no other guys could. He's different, but that makes us similar. Our language is definitely something other people couldn't comprehend :P He understands my joke and I understand his, that's really rare. Not everyone could understand my sarcasm, when I talk in riddles, but him, he just seems to understand. And he's a guy O_O Really never expected to ever meet such a person :O

This whole thing is just weird. The first time we met dates back to 2 years ago. I was an introvert, never really talked much, so when he said hi all I did was smile. He said I blushed too? But I don't remember that though :3 And of course, he had a girlfriend back then. We used to be just two people who knew each other, we barely even kept in touch after he graduated from secondary school. Then one day we just started talking again, and we discovered our similarities as the days go by. Everything is so unexpected. He never fails to overwhelm me, and he makes me laugh and smile at my phone idiotically in a way no one else could.

Okay I just received his text :P I wonder what would happen to me if we stopped talking to each other? Research shows that if you keep doing the same thing continuously for 21 days, it'll become a habit. HABIT. And for how many days have we been talking to each other EVERYDAY? :3 Gosh. I couldn't imagine that. And of course I DO NOT want that to happen /.\

Okay so that's all I guess? Byeeee :P

Random stuff!

So um, I've been working on some sort of a novel... But I've only been typing it in my phone, I didn't actually WRITE it out yet. Haven't planned how long the story's gonna be, but the main character Lynn in the novel (I haven't came up with a title yet) is gonna be like Cheryl in real life. I'm like her and she's like me, and our stories are very similar too. I'd better not expose too much since I haven't finish writing it xD 

Oh yeah, I came across this guy on youtube. His videos are pretty funny AND helpful, ranging from the top 10 stupid facebook statuses to top 10 things girls like about guys or vice-versa. So check this out! 

http://www.youtube.com/user/andysunstory?feature=watch

Kay byeeee :P 

Um heyyyyyy

So yea. Exam is over. PMR and UEC are yet to come :( I hate my Junior 3 life! Got to know so many bitches this year. Well I said that cuz sometimes they really are. Don't make wild guesses or assumptions of who I'm talking about okay :)

I have nothing much to say... Since nowadays I have nothing much to feel. Once again, I'm numb. Afraid of everything. Not wanting to try. I wish I could go back in time and tell the old me to fall in love with the right person, someone who's actually worth it. 

Hmm go listen to this:

It suits me except for the "I'm still loving you" part heheheh. 

Love this :)

如果你把我的感情，当成一场游戏，我玩不起，更输不起，花言巧语，谁知道我微笑背后的痛苦，爱由一个微笑开始，一个吻成长，最终由一滴眼泪结束，受了伤，结了疤，最终还是留下痕迹，强迫自己忘了你，当爱过才知道，原来我并不能左右一切，也许无言才是最好的安慰，也许回忆是最好的结局，傻瓜也都一样，都逃不过悲伤，因为有梦在心上，所以甘心流泪。

-Copied xx

曾经、如今

曾经
我是你口口声声的＂她＂
曾经
你是我深爱的唯一
曾经
我们是人人羡慕的完美配对

我的真心诚意
换来了你的虚情假意
一切都没有了
唯一剩下的只是回忆

想起当初天真的我
早已知道你的性格
却一直傻傻地付出
以为你会因我改变

痛过了，哭过了
我的悲伤，谁能看见？
你和她的幸福
人人羡慕，人人祝贺

当初以为不会爱上你
没有想到却越陷越深
尽全力给你所有的爱
得到的回报却是如此

伤痕累累的心
还在痊愈当中
你令我最开心
但也令我心碎

这苦涩的滋味啊
还带着一丝甜蜜
那些难忘的回忆
我永远铭记在心

等着你醒悟的那天
我真的想要你明白
爱情不是一场游戏
女生的心不是玩具

The Journey (Part 2)

Okay, this one is about a different person.

Words said, things done

Nothing could change the past

Heart-broken, memories shattered

Could you feel my pain?

Left me alone, you did

When I was just starting to fall

Abandoned me, you did

When I most needed you

The magical beginning

The touching words

The unfulfilled promises

The heart-breaking ending

Up till today

I am still wondering

From the beginning till the end

Have you ever loved me? 

Maybe I'm just another of those girls

That you treat as toys 

You have never been sincere 

Not even once

How many girls have you cheated on

With those sweet words of yours? 

How many hearts have you stolen

With your face, your swag, your everything?

I guess I've gotten a taste of my own medicine

Hurting people who loved me 

I have no one else to blame 

Other than myself

Realistic am I? 

Hurting people who loved me 

Ignored them completely when I had you

Just because we were a so-called "perfect match"

That was what we were

In everyone's eyes

We were right for each other

But there was more to that

If I were to call you a jerk

I would be laughing at myself

For am I not one also? 

Right now the guiltiness is killing me 

Everything is over

I'm not gonna live in the past

No matter how hard it is to move on

I must do it, for me, myself and I 

There are only two parts. These two people are the ones I've once loved deeply... I guess? That's all for today.

The Journey (Part 1)

Tears shed, heart broken
Yet what can be done?
Bygones are bygones
I can't change them, no matter how

The silly things I've done
The nights I lost sleep
Why had I been so foolish?
Up till today, I still don't get it

What is it in you
That made me forget my identity?
I loved you whole-heartedly
I forgot to love myself

You are in love
But not with me
Those days were the worst
I bet you can't imagine

Trying to move on
Trying to forget
Trying to heal my wounds
But the scars will always be there

Because of you
I am afraid to fall in love
For fear that history will repeat itself
And I'd get hurt again

"First love dies hard"
That's what people say
My love has faded away
But the memories will stay

If I had a second chance
I would choose not to love you
I wish I hadn't been that foolish
Choosing to hurt myself

(to be continued)